Never Do This: Smuggle Drugs

Never Do This: Smuggle Drugs

I think its pretty safe to assume that we have all seen the movie “BLOW”. The 2001 film chronicles the life and times of George Jung, known then as “Boston George”. It is said that during the period that he was active Jung, through his connections with the Medellin Cartel, was responsible for more than 80% of the cocaine imported to the U.S.

As I watched this movie I thought to myself, this guy came up with some pretty ingenious ways to smuggle drugs into the country. There were stolen planes, suitcases with false bottoms, and secret airstrips. Drug trafficking hit previously unseen height during the 70’s and 80’s, let’s face it, the cartels were years ahead of law enforcement in terms of organization. As time passed the boys in blue got a bit better at tracking and seizing the mules so the cartels dug deep into their bags of tricks. Mix in a bit of modern technology and the reality of drug smuggling becomes more unbelievable than any movie. Not writing a thesis here, so I’m just gonna outline few of the more unconventional methods that are actually quite impressive. Now remember, you should never ever do this.

Let’s say you prefer to take your chances by sea. The Cigarette Boats were always the choice of the cartels. Speed is their weapon. The ability to outrun anyone that dares give chase is an invaluable resource when you’re a hauling payload of enough Peruvian lady to get you put beneath the deepest hole the Federal government can find. The Cigarette Racing Team has been a legend in boat racing for years. These boats are tuned far beyond anything that the government can muster to pursue them. The only thing they can do is try to disable them by piercing the hull and/or stopping the engine. How do they do that? With bullets of course. Yes, the authorities will fire upon you as they attempt to stop you. They have yet to build a boat that can outrun bullets, and bullet proofing is not possible due to the added weight. All in all, there has got to be a better way, right?

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There are those who opt for stealth over speed, and nothing says stealth like a submarine. Yeah that’s right. The cartels now have submarines. Necessity is the mother of invention, so this was really just the natural progression of the smuggling trade. There are 4 types of cartel subs, low-profile vessels, semi-submersibles, submersibles, and towed “torpedoes”. The low-profile vessels travel with most of the hull beneath the water but do not actually fully submerge. Often time they are no more than adapted speedboats. The semi-submersible can be fully submerged save a snorkel that allows the crew to breath. Full submersibles are what we consider to be traditional submarines. The fourth type, the torpedoes, are quite innovative. They are pulled underwater by a ship that is camouflaged to blend in with the other ships, and the torpedo can be discarded if the plan is compromised. Some of these vessels are even engineered to evade detection by radar, sonar, infrared, and thermal detection devices. The largest of these cartel U-boats can hold up to 200 tons of cocaine. What they lack in speed, subs more than make up for with stealth. Remember, you can’t catch what you can’t see.

If you would rather make an attempt by land the you’ve got a multitude of option at your to choose from. Narcotics have been found hidden in all kinds of food products. From nacho cheese to bananas, nothing on the food pyramid is safe. Body mods on vehicles are probably the most common choice. Automobile floors, door panels, airbags, and even the gas tanks of running vehicles have all been known to be altered for the purpose of hiding illegal contraband.

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Moving past the border by land is pretty dicey no matter how you do it. Some people have even taken to catapulting the drugs over the border to a partner waiting on the other side. I know it sounds crazy but people have done it. I mean, what if your buddy’s aim is off? Once again I’m going to suggest the most stealthy method that is feasible here. It’s simple really, build a tunnel.

Earlier this year a 905ft drug tunnel was found in the small town of Naco, Arizona. They say this is the longest such tunnels ever found. The idea is absolutely brilliant! As I said before, YOU REALLY SHOULD NOT DO THIS, but this plan makes the most sense really. Not a soul can see you as you travel under the border. The only real issue is having both a safe start and end point. That and hiding the dirt as you excavate, also the noise that could be created by having to dig through rock. Not to mention drawing attention to yourself moving around digging equipment, or buying supplies to build supports so the whole damn thing doesn’t collapse on you.

OK, so there is a lot that goes into building this tunnel. Upon its completion though you would be able to start a 24/7 shipping system that cuts nearly all the risk out of getting your nose candy into the country. Its not 100% foolproof. You would definitely have to worry about who knows about the tunnel and who they would tell. I guess you could try to accomplish the construction on your own, but it would be a daunting and very dangerous task. This takes a 3 man team minimum, plus a lot of patience, but when all is said and done you will be raking in tons of cash. That is until you get caught.

Now lastly there is the airborne option. I gotta tell you, if you are thinking of smuggling anything in by air, forget it. It’s not that it is not possible. It’s just my personal belief that in this era, unless you’ve got the right kinda power, you’re dead in the water. Airports are some of the most highly guarded, and heavily surveilled structures on the planet. Satellites can count the hairs on your head from space, so how “hidden” can any secret airstrip be? If you have the ability to fly into the country and go straight to a private airport, bypassing customs, and violating all types of civilian regulations. All I have to say is, what up Obama! I hope you enjoy our little publication. Now, if that last statement wasn’t meant for you then trust me. Flying is not an option, unless you want to get caught faster. If that is the case, then by all means, have at it.

That’s right, the inevitable truth is that almost everyone gets caught at some point. You could be at this for decades. All it takes is one mistake. One little misstep, and BAM! You’re in a federal hotel, three hots and a cot, without much to do beside stare at the walls. That’s how we all know these stories, and that’s how we all come up with our own elaborate ideas of how not to get caught. Unfortunately there is really no way around it. No, wait. That is not entirely true. You can get away with smuggling drugs, but for everyone that gets away, there are thousands of others in an 8×12 wondering where they went wrong.

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