Privates Eye: Monty’s Krown

Privates Eye: Monty’s Krown

The Krown is a staple in the Rochester dive bar scene, and a bar I personally consider to be a ‘black hole’ pub. I know when I walk in there, whether it’s just to drink one of the many delicious beers they have on tap, or to see an awesome band, I will be crawling out at last call. It’s not a ‘just one’ type of place. Dimly lit, cheap and full of beards – the environment breeds the stumbles.

One of two things happens to me every time I try to use the bathroom. Scenario one: I forget that the door sticks. So (and I’ve confirmed it’s not only me) I passively try to open the door as if it were a normal door. Of course it doesn’t open, and I stand there for ten minutes wondering what the hell the lady is doing in there. As a general rule – I hate to be rude and awkwardly stand there until my bladder is about to burst from the copious amount of Bushmill’s I’ve consumed. When I finally reach my breaking point and try again, turns out there was nobody there in the first place.

The second option is the opposite. I try to hulk my way into the bathroom because I’m drunk and I remember the door sticks. Someone’s in there screaming at me and I feel like an asshole and walk away. I’ll lurk around just out of sight, waiting for the person to leave. Either way – the bathroom is difficult to enter and requires a voodoo spell and a crystal ball.

Things don’t improve when finally making it into the bathroom. It’s gross, grimy and fits the general atmosphere of the Krown. Other than carrying hand sanitizer by the gallon, I don’t have much of a suggestion. On the plus side there isn’t a mirror above the sink. This at least makes it efficient and quick, since it prevents women from applying yet another layer of lipstick.

At least the bathroom isn’t in the basement like the men’s room. Equipped with a sign that says ‘the pdiddle dungeon,’ I imagine it lives up to my grodiest of expectations. According to a trusted source, the bathroom is similar to that of the ladies, no functioning paper towel dispenser and no mirror. Lucky for the ladies, we don’t have to stumble down a flight of carpeted stairs that likely haven’t been redone since the opening.

I shudder to think of the poor souls that only made if halfway down the stairs before they gave up but am grateful that’s not my path. The Krown is a lovely place to sit outside and people watch, see local bands, or just drink until you can’t feel your face – so it’s okay if the price we pay for a cheap Genny is a terrible bathroom.

Note: The purpose of these inSTALLments is to share my party girl wisdom and experiences. My opinion is biased and in no way affects my opinion of the targeted establishment. After all, the bars I write about are bars I have drank my share of whiskey in, and will continue to do so.