Never Do This: Counterfeiting

Never Do This: Counterfeiting

Welcome all! It seems you have once again decided to join us Insomniacs for a brief sabbatical into the seedy underbelly of life. I know I say this every time, admittedly because it’s our disclaimer incase one of you nice people try to blame your poor career choices on us, but ABSOLUTELY NO ONE SHOULD EVER COMMIT, OR EVER THINK OF COMMITTING ANY OF THE OF THE ACTIVITY DESCRIBED IN THIS ARTICLE.

The U.S. Dollar is the most popular form of currency world wide hands down. Charles Caleb Colton once said, “Imitation is the greatest form of flattery.” Funny, the american government doesn’t see it that way. Bills of all denominations have numerous security features, from watermarks to interwoven ribbons that cannot be duplicated, great lengths are taken to make sure that no bill can be easily cloned. Who is it that goes through all this trouble? Why, The Bureau of Engraving and Printing of course. They are tasked with make the Dollar infallible, and needless to say, I don’t think they are going to take to kindly to what’s coming next. Just remember, YOU SHOULD NEVER DO THIS, but this how you counterfeit money.

Ok, there are three things you need to consider when making a counterfeit bill. They are, in no particular order. Paper, look, and feel. The reason being, is that people are lazy. Most cashier are not gonna take the time to give a bill too close of an inspection. Why? Because they work with money all day long, and after exchanging greenbacks for 8 hours are more than 110% sure they’d catch a fake in an instant. So really most counterfeits will fail a close inspection, but a worker in a hurry isn’t doing any intense critiquing, and that is why look and feel are so important. If the bill can pass in a glance you are golden. How do you get the right look and feel? It all starts with the paper

The U.S. Dollar is made up of a 3:1 blend of cotton and linen. Yup, you heard right, cotton and linen. The dollar bill has more in common with your sheets and underwear than it does the paper we use on a daily basis. The reason for this is that most bills remain in circulation for years at a time. In order to survive passing hands from person to person in an insane amount of transactions they have to be tough. A $20 dollar bill remains in circulation on average for four years. Regular paper couldn’t take that kind of wear, but like that old t-shirt you wear to do dirty work in, the linen/cotton blended dollars can get a little tattered and torn but still remain intact. The paper is the first line of defense against the creation of knock-offs. This detail alone is enough to compromise the attempts of most swindlers. There is only once choice that makes real sense, and that is to get your hands on the real thing.
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The Crane Paper Company provides the rag paper (that’s what the linen cotton blend of currency paper is known as) that the Federal Reserve prints our money on. Security around the facilities that produce the cash is much too tight to suggest stealing a shipment of paper, besides you can go anywhere and get that special paper. Hell, I bet you have some in your pocket right now. If you’ve got at least a buck, you can turn that into $100. That’s right, thanks to a man named Ricky Scott Nelson we’ve learned that you don’t have to make new money. You just make the money you already have better. All you need is some bleach and a bit of tape and you are good to go.

You see, Ricky masked the serial numbers and other important features of $1 and $5 dollar bills. He then used bleach to remove the ink from any unprotected areas. This is without a doubt the best method to employ when it comes to how to mimic the weight and feel of the rag paper. Just use the real thing, which is in steady supply, provided by the very people that are trying to prevent you from engaging in such dastardly deeds in the first place. Oh, the irony! Anyway, now that you’ve got your paper you need figure out how to reprint the necessary visages and details on these bills. You’ve just bleached about fifty bucks. Not much of an investment in terms of your planned return, but still, you want to get this done right, and for that you’re going to want to follow the lead of another well known grifter by the name of Wayne Victor Dennis.

The honest truth is that there really are only two ways to copy the bills, in the visual sense. You could use a modern inkjet printer which may be able to somewhat mirror the colors, but could distort the images due to a bad scan of the authentic bill you want to copy, or go to an industrial print supply shop and by an offset printing press. Yeah, this is the point where you have to start making a sizable investment. It takes money to make money, and in this case, I mean that both literally and figuratively.

Along with buying a press you’re gonna have to produce plates and find ink to use in this press too. A how to on plate production can be found online, and it’s also possible to find manufacturers of plates and ink through the printing press suppliers, so we’re gonna let you do your own digging on that. Be careful and very discreet. Foreign companies are less likely to ask too many questions about your planned usage due to not being regulate by our government. Either way you choose to go here, this is how its done.

The printing press will add to the texture and feel you want to reproduce. Once you are set up and can produce bills with a minimal amount of flaws, the final step is aging them a bit. You want to make them look used. Wayne was undeniably brilliant in the way he went about this too, using a mixture of coffee grinds starch and distilled water, he added a sort of patina to the bills before ironing them on a marble floor. An old bill is also less likely to catch the eye of anyone wary of a little “funny money.” There is one other thing also as long as we’re talking about the age of the bills, just as important as picking a denomination of your homemade dough, is picking the style.

Older twenties have less security features and therefore make it much easier to fool a would be skeptic. The newer twenty makes what you’re trying to do much harder. The idea is to work smarter not harder, but if you hard any sense you wouldn’t be wasting your time and energy on committing a crime you are most likely going to get caught in the act of perpetrating. The Secret Service plays no games. Protecting the U.S. Dollar and going after counterfeiters was the original reason for it’s creation. Not protecting the POTUS, as many would have you believe. In March of last year they we’re investigating a counterfeit ring that was circulating fake $20 bills. I haven’t heard much about it since then, but then again, they don’t call them the “Secret Service” for nothing. Which is why I say again, YOU SHOULD NEVER DO THIS! Get a job, if you have a job get a second one, start your own business, something, just do anything besides this.