Insomniac Horoscopes

Insomniac Horoscopes

The future is a dark, desolate place. Until now…

Aries (March 21-April 19) – A regular at a dive bar is the key to your future.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) – You will die a horrible death.

Gemini (May21 – June 20) – Get super high and think about your life.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) – Be reckless, prison is not as bad as you think.

Leo (July 23 – August 22) – Stop paying your bills, they don’t matter anyway.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)- Pee your bed.

Libra (September 23 – October 22) – Get drunk and fuck shit up.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) – Start a demonic cult at Mt. Hope Cemetery.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) – Be a slut.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)- You don’t know shit, and neither do these horoscopes.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)- You will suddenly come down with the bird flu.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20) – Next time you poop, read the contents like tea leaves and you will learn your future.

Buta Pub

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