50 Ways to Lose Your Lover

50 Ways to Lose Your Lover
  1. Don’t call her beautiful everyday
  2. Leave her waiting for you to grow up and be a man.
  3. Ignore her cries for simple attention
  4. Turn down the opportunity to eat dinner with her.
  5. Forget her birthday
  6. Forget your own anniversary
  7. Make your meals for one and don’t share
  8. Buy yourself a cup of coffee and don’t buy her one
  9. Get jealous at her successes
  10. Belittle her in front of her friends-Which also will make you embarrass yourself
  11. Get into argument right before going to bed and never find resolution
  12. Stop sleeping in the same bed together, except to have sex. Which invariably will become ritual and not passionate.
  13. Make a judgement call about her body
  14. Go black out drinking and leave her with the mess. She still loves You-She wouldn’t do this otherwise
  15. Don’t make her feel comfortable about her musical expression. Her guilty pleasure becomes a personal embarrassment because of you.
  16. Gripe when she asks you to hold her hand and go for a walk about the evening.
  17. Get jealous about how many other men would love to be with her and make her smile.
  18. Make yourself believe that you are not worthy of such a great woman.
  19. Make it a point to express that you feel worthless to her as often as possible. Just so she can start doubting you too. Team effort.
  20. When she offers up the idea to go to couples counseling, always reject the idea. Counselling is for people with real problems. Counselling never works anyways.
  21. Make it a point to call her ideas to rejuvenate your relationship as absurd and useless.
  22. Just say,” Hey.” When she walks in the door after an 18-hour work day.
  23. On your the day both have off together, make sure you leave the house to do your hobby and don’t make plans to meet up with her afterwards.
  24. When you wake up in the morning, only cook breakfast for yourself.
  25. Make sure you tell her that your inadequacy as a lover makes you wonder why she is still with you. Team effort again. Doubt is a powerful tool.
  26. Get engaged and always avoid the conversation about the wedding.
  27. Stop showering together.
  28. Spend more time at the bar than you do at home. Especially when she is home alone waiting to be held by the man she loves.
  29. Make fun of her when she makes a little mistake. Make it funny at first, and then keep pushing until it becomes offensive and you feel vile about yourself.
  30. Facebook. Just stay on it as much as possible.
  31. Stop writing her love letters and packing her lunches.
  32. Do not be honest with her about your feelings. Bottle them tightly until the only time they are expressed are in seismic explosions. Let them explode at the most inappropriate times.
  33. Start Skyping with your best-friend non-stop. This takes away from time that the two of you could be spending together.
  34. Discredit her opinions and breeze past them as if they were a bad smell coming from the room next door. (Which is mostly likely your unbathed-self)
  35. Make friends with her friends, but keep yourself at a distance. Just enough so they can see that you are ruining her life. They will let her know that you are actually in fact a bad person to be with. Team effort again.
  36. Make her future with you seem bleak by not progressing in any of your jobs and putting off going back to school
  37. Turn down opportunities for financial growth because it would impede on your personal times (Which means you don’t want to give up watching Netflix alone)
  38. When you do talk about marriage, disagree with almost all of her ideas. Then tell her that you will never have the money to pay for such a thing. It works really well because she then can see your timeline together as being poor.
  39. Quit on of your jobs just because the job wasn’t going your way. Leaving more financial stress on your more successful counterpart. Let her know that she, “Has no idea what it’s like to struggle.”
  40. Put off dealing with your depression. Turn down the idea of medication. Turn down the idea of therapy. Turn down the idea of cognitive brain therapy. You love hating yourself and making other people feel awful.
  41. Go to jail. Just for the night. Get pulled over on any type of drug you desire. Then call her to pick you up and be pissed the entire time. She will pick up on your lack of gratitude.
  42. When you finally lose it completely make sure you smash things. Like a guitar that she bought you. Tell her you have to leave the state.
  43. When you leave tell her it was a good choice. That you feel better now. (You’re only lying to the both of you because you know you made your life’s biggest mistake. You don’t dare be wrong)
  44. Call her constantly when you are gone. Apologize. Leave drunk voicemails. Tell her that you’ll fly back in a moment. She will really hate being smothered.
  45. Get angry and defensive when she actually decides to move on. Make it a point to interject as much negativity into her new relationship as possible. You want her back.
  46. If she ever comes to see you make sure you go overboard with signs of affection. So that she feels like it will expire. No one can run at that type of intensity forever.
  47. Kiss her passionately and making love like you were just meeting each other for the first time. When it’s gone let it linger that you two could have had another chance.
  48. Send her letters, e-mails, messages, and overwhelm her.
  49. Give her the ultimatum of choosing between you are her or going your separate ways. Causing her to go into a break down.
  50. Say your goodbyes. Tell her you love her. Tell her a quirky thing that you two created when you say goodbye.

 

That may have been your last chance at love. If you ever want to lose your dream Girl-These are the exact things, you need to do to ruin it. I don’t suggest doing any of these things. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I truly wish I didn’t do most of them myself. Make your love known to the one you care for. To your soulmate. You owe it to the both of you to put the time and care into the relationship while you still can. Nothing is the same once you walk out of that door and into a life by yourself.

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